Enough
by valmontmerteuil
Summary: Jesse's thoughts about the events of Bad Reputation.


A/N: Dude, I wrote a Glee story? Weird. I just couldn't resist. I adore Jesse and Rachel so much more than anything else I love about Glee. I'm so psyched about the possibility of him sticking around. And I mean, Lea and Jon should just never bother acting against anyone else because no one could ever touch that kind of chemistry. But I ramble. :D

Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.

You know, it was actually kind of funny. Jesse just wished it was the kind of funny he could laugh at.

He'd set out to break Rachel Berry's heart. There was no point in denying that. He wanted to crush her just in time for regionals. It wasn't that he thought Vocal Adrenaline didn't already have it in the bag, he knew they did. Rachel was obviously the only thing the tiny group (they barely had enough members to qualify) had going for it. And even with her, they were no match for the sheer power of Vocal Adrenaline with him at the helm. He was just the kind of person to take every precaution, crush every possible competition. And Rachel Berry was definitely competition. The rest of her so called New Directions would crumble at Regionals without her. Jesse knew it, he suspected everyone knew it. At least everyone with a pair of ears. She was their shining star as clearly as he was Vocal Adrenaline's.

But, she was so obviously meant to be great, that if he was completely honest he didn't really want to crush her. He wanted to help her, because that kind of talent was rare and should only ever be nurtured. From what he understood, she got very little nurturing in her current Glee club. Which was one of the many reasons he only wanted to help her, and not all of New Directions. The bigger reason, of course, being that no one else came close to matching her talent vocally or as a performer. That was his biggest problem though, he didn't want to help New Directions, and he couldn't help her without helping them.

In an ideal world, it would have been Rachel to leave her club behind and join him in Vocal Adrenaline. Then they could both preform opposite someone who deserves to be singing with them. They sang a killer duet, and Jesse knew they brought out the best in each other's voices. Together there would have been no stopping them. But Jesse knew this was impossible. He knew that, while he'd swept her off of her feet, she was much too loyal of a creature, at least when it came to her Glee club, to ever really consider straying. They were very alike in that way. She obviously wasn't going to come to him, so he set out to do the only other thing he could. If she wasn't with him, then he had to think of her as against him. And that meant that he would have to break Rachel Berry.

This would lead him, sadly, to the funny part. The thing that was so painfully humorous, so achingly comical about the situation, had nothing to do with what Jesse had set out to do. Except possibly if one were searching for some bitter irony. Which Jesse had admittedly done a time or two, they do say that experiencing angst in real life makes you a stronger performer, after all. The funny part, in fact, had everything to do with what actually happened. Rachel didn't end up being the person with the broken heart. Jesse knew even uttering the words "broken heart" made him into even more of a drama king (assuming that was possible), but he was hard pressed to think of a more accurate way to describe it. It wasn't the betrayal of the video that did it, not really. He understood that part of the situation more than he would admit to her. That was the forgivable part of the equation. Forgivable because he knew if the roles had been reversed, and it had been his reputation on the line, he may have done something similar. He liked to think he would have at least run it past his girlfriend, been more honest, but really, it probably would have played out in the exact same way. The snub stung, of course, it was quite the kick to his pride, but it wasn't near bad enough to call for a broken heart. No, that particular piece of anguish came from seeing her look at Finn Hudson. It had never been more clear to him that he was nothing but a replacement for that second-rate Jolly Green Giant. It was embarrassing and painful all at once. As if Finn Hudson could ever have anything on him. His voice was so-so at absolute best, and he looked like a maniacal dinosaur when attempting to dance. Not that Jesse was bitter or anything. Yet, despite all of the mammoth's faults, Rachel still looked at him in… that way. The way Jesse had only ever seen on her face once before, that first time they sang together in the music store. That first time when, Jesse was sure, he was wearing a matching expression. Because no matter how she made him ache now, that first time had been nothing short of magic. And to see her look at Finn, the talentless, do-nothing, goody two shoes who everyone with eyes and ears knew was hugely inferior to Jesse, in that special (or so he'd thought) way that was one of the first things he loved (not that he'd ever actually use the word) about her, was more painful than anything he'd ever experienced. He had never before felt so belittled. He'd never really felt belittled before at all, ever. He was admittedly egotistical and vain, though he never saw why anyone should take issue with that, it wasn't like he was proud of something he didn't have. But the point was, he never felt insecure. He had been sure of himself and cocky about any and all abilities he had. Until Rachel Berry.

So as Jesse stood in the hallway, breaking up with the only girl he'd ever for even a moment considered calling his equal, trying to save face by hiding how badly she'd wounded him, he couldn't have meant his words more.

"I should have been enough for you, Rachel."

End.


End file.
